Patience is a virtue. It certainly is but if you are a mother then you know that passing a test of patience is not easy, not at all.
My daughter is my instructor for the course Patience 101. She tests me on my patience level several times each week. Most of the time, I pass with flying colors. But then there are times when I fail. On those days I remind myself that failure is THE pillar of success.
I lose my patience with my child when she refuses to let me eat peacefully. She wants a bite of everything that I eat. It is normal but I feel stressed out when she won't eat the food but bring out the half-chewed food from her mouth and rub it against the floor. Sometimes, she will just bring out the food remains from her mouth and give it to me.
I lose patience and sometimes scream when she does not let me write or work on the computer. She will want to sit on my lap and when I take her on my lap, she wants to be down on the floor again. When this cycle repeats itself a half-dozen times, I do lose my patience.
There were days when she would not let me use the bathroom. But then I found out that if I talked from inside the bathroom, it assured her of my presence. Nowadays, she just quietly sits outside the door with a toy when I am using the bathroom -- no tears or screams.
Sometimes, I lose my patience when she throws a tantrum because I have refused to give her something that is dangerous for her to play with. For instance, a ceramic mug, a knife, a bottle of hand sanitizer or cooking oil.
I forget that patience is a virtue when she pulls out a soiled diaper from the trashcan to play with it. When I take it away from her, she falls on the floor and cries.
But baby tantrums are a normal part of growing up. On my daughter's 15-month wellness visit to her clinic when the doctor asked me if she threw tantrums, I proudly said, no. The doctor said, just wait a few weeks and you will see what she is capable of. I did not quite believe her but I brought home the printout on tantrum management that the nurse gave me. It turned out to be very useful because my daughter eventually began to throw temper tantrums.
Although I admit that I lose patience from time to time but it does not last long. I usually manage to gather myself in a minute or two. I then hold my daughter tight, hug and kiss her and distract her with something else. I do not give in though. What is dangerous for her is dangerous for her. These days I try to keep possible dangerous objects out of her reach and sight so that she does not ask for them. For example, we hid the hand sanitizer bottle in a closet. The knives are always out of her reach but if she sees me using one, she wants to have one too!
Experts say that yelling and spanking do not help discipline a child -- they only add to a baby's frustration. A baby also throws a tantrum when he/she cannot say or do something. My daughter displays anger when she cannot make her stuffed cat or bear sit by itself. So, help your child when you see that he/she needs a little help -- it will calm her/him down. With time, she will learn to manage her own anger, distress and frustration. And when that day comes, she will not ask you for your help.
There are new things that I am learning every day. I have made mistakes, but then I have also learned from them. Hopefully, there will come a day when I will make the grade in every test of patience with child-rearing.
By Wara Karim
Published in The Daily Star, Feb. 25, 2014
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