Dream of a nothing-to-do day

There are days when I wish I had nothing to do. A day when I will not have to leave my bed after my daughter wakes up at 6:30 a.m. in the morning. A day when I will not have to read aloud for half-hour to feed her just 8 spoonfuls of oatmeal. A day when I will not have to run after her after she poops and refuses to let me change her diaper. A day when I will not have to pretend to be a singer in order to make her go to sleep. On some days, I do not even feel like washing the dishes after a meal or preparing a lunch for myself. On those days, I just want to spend time with myself, and no one else.

We have too many days in our lives when we push ourselves to do things that we do not feel like doing at that moment. On some mornings, our tired bodies and minds (even though we just woke up from an 8-hour night sleep) tell us to skip work. But we cannot do that, because if we did that then there would not be any money to pay rent, buy food and health insurance. I don't have to worry about getting late for work because I do not work out of home. I am a stay-at-home mother by choice. But who knew being a stay-at-home mom could be stressful too? Well, I did not... well, until my daughter was born.

You don't know what motherhood will really bring you until the baby leaves your womb. You really have to open the box to see the surprise that has been awaiting you. My pregnancy was pretty smooth - I even walked half-mile a day before my daughter was born. I was healthy, I ate well and slept well. But things reversed after my baby was born. I could not move, sleep or eat. I could not move 'cause I was in pain, I could not eat 'cause I just did not feel like eating, and I could not sleep 'cause my daughter would not let me. I thought those days would never end and that I would never again sleep longer than a 2-hour stretch. I must add that my husband suffered equally in those early days of parenthood - I mean he did not have to nurse the baby, but he too spent sleepless nights, burped the baby after a feeding, changed her diaper and rocked her to sleep.

This is my 21st month as a mother and I tell everyone who thinks that being a stay-at-home mom is easier than being a working mom that they are wrong. I never judge a mother, stay-at-home or not. Being a mom is a such a difficult job that I dare not judge a mother like many other women do. I have even seen Facebook statuses from working mothers, who think they are conquering the world by being so. I am sorry, but I beg to differ with them.

Being a stay-at-home mother is a 24/7 job with no salaries, perks, holidays or sick leaves. It takes a lot of physical and mental strength to become a full-time mom. One needs to tame one's temper, learn to finish lunch in 3 minutes, teach oneself to say no to nature calls, and control one's urge to hit the gym 'cause her toddler is still taking her afternoon nap. 

So, on some days, if a stay-at-home mother feels like doing nothing, no one can really blame her. She needs some "me time" too.  Even as I am writing this blog, I am being constantly distracted by my dear daughter, who is halting my train of thought every two minutes. But I cannot really blame her - she is just a small child. 

Being a stay-at-home mother is often more difficult for immigrant mothers like myself, who do not have friends and family around. We changed 4 cities in the last 5 years. I do have some friends in this country, but they all live far away from me, I mean as far away as California and Wisconsin. I have to buy a plane ticket, pack bags, pass the airport security checkpoint and then sit on a plane to visit them! So, visiting friends when my heart longs for company is not really an option for me. 

Sometimes I cannot wait for my daughter to start going to pre-school so that I can spend an entire morning in the comfort of a couch, reading a book, watching a movie or talking on the phone. So yes, a nothing-to-do day is still a dream for me, but I know it will sooner or later become a reality 'cause I like to call myself an optimist. 

Sometimes I wish my mother lived only a short distance away so I could place my child at her care and take a day off. But this whole idea will always be a fantasy for me 'cause my mother lives some 10,000 miles away in Bangladesh.

So yes, I do dream of a day when I will have nothing to do, or better say, will only do things that I want to do. After all, a stay-at-home mother needs a day off once in a while too.